Why haven't I been posting?

Originally my intentions for this blog was to keep everyone updated with what I am doing here in New Zealand. And I’ll admit it, I have not been doing a good job.

I've been slacking, guys. I've been slacking.

The reality of the situation is… I’m a little miserable. Everything has not been what I pictured would happen here. In large part, my misery is due to this stupid physiology class. From the beginning I have been stressing out about it, because I feel like they are speaking an entire different language. My adviser warned me about taking a major science class abroad, but as you can tell, I didn't listen. You see, kids, this is medical physiology… I am not a medical student. Everyone in this class has taken prerequisite courses that prepared them for this class, but I feel like I have been dropped in the ocean with nothing but my will to survive. And it is tough. I have never ever been this challenged and distraught and unconfident in my abilities.

Some days I am alright and others I just have a complete and utter meltdown about it. My mind even goes to a place that thinks coming here was a mistake, but I have to force myself to remember all the things I have accomplished so far and tell myself that I will come back an even stronger person than I was before I left.

I didn't want to write a post like this, because I didn't want anyone at home to worry about me. But honestly, I don’t do anything anymore worth blogging about. I basically sit in my room all day trying to work on something related to school, and when I’m not doing that, I’m watching videos or a TV show because that is how I am able to relax.

Normally, I’m the type of person to keep my issues to myself until I can work it out on my own, but I haven’t really been able to do that this time. I don’t like to show emotions, especially at my lowest of lows, but sometimes you have to accept the fact that you aren't okay and let others in on that secret. So that’s what I've done. I’m lucky that I have so much support from back home and I am unbelievably appreciative of that. And if we are sticking with this whole ocean analogy, then you could say the support and encouragement is like a snorkel. Just enough to keep me above the waves.

I’m pretty much certain that I will fail this class and I never thought that I would ever fail a class. I wish I was over exaggerating, but I don’t feel like I am. For some people that might not even be a big deal, but for me that means retaking the class back at URI, taking a summer class just to make sure I can still graduate in time, with more money going down the drain.

It’s crazy for me to even think that I have gotten so messed up mentally by this one thing, because I never get stressed out. Ask any of my friends from school and they would tell you that I am normally really relaxed and easy-going. I don’t even recognize the person I have become. I can only hope that I can somehow, someway manage to pass this class, then every little thing will be alright.

Okay, that’s enough sadness for one post. If you read this all the way through, sorry this is not an exciting or uplifting, but sometimes things get real. I guess life decided it was time for me to suffer for a bit and learn some life lessons ever so conveniently while I’m just about the furthest away from home I can be.

No worries, guys, I’m just gonna keep on swimming.

P.s. If you have any questions or words of encouragement for me, facebook messages work wonders.

Alright, peace out homies